The Miniaturist Was A Little Entertaining… But Not Much

miniaturist-978144725089001Well this is gonna be a mini review, because as I mentioned in my last post, I’m currently away.

Now let’s start with what I did like: the cover is exquisite, the writing is quite nice, and the setting is lovely. That’s a good list, but it’s rather short I’m afraid. Because I wasn’t overly impressed with this one.

It wasn’t a bad book, but all the main storylines didn’t involve the main character directly, so it felt like looking in from the outside, which detached the reader from the action. The story… was pretty much non-existent.

On top of that the characterisation is really poor. Characters are constantly having people tell the main character what she is- but there is no evidence to back that up by her actions. It’s a classic case of “show don’t tell”- except the people doing the telling are other characters. While this is slightly different, it has the same effect- and it’s no better.

I really didn’t get where all the hype came from (I suspect it was cos the cover was pretty)

Rating: 2½/5 bananas

half bananahalf banana half banana

Sorry for my teeny weeny scattering of puns- couldn’t come up with a bigger ones!😉

Not So Sneakily Going On Hiatus!

Because there is no subtle way to do this- and as painful as this is- I’ve just got to rip the plaster off and say I’m going on hiatus! For two whole weeks! Yes- I know, I know- I don’t know how we will survive this separation…

Which is why I have prepared some scheduled posts while I am away (so hopefully you won’t be as bereft without me as I’m going to be without you all!)

In the meantime- don’t feel too bad for me- cos I’m currently on my way somewhere lovely… more about that when I get back!

Until next time! À bientôt! (No I’m not in France- just a Francophile!)

Dream Thieves Stole My Heart…

dream thieves.jpgAnd by that I mean Ronan did. Because I am nothing if not predictable- and I will always, always fall for this kind of character. (Trying not to spoil anything, but failing, so minor spoiler warning– I have a thing for the tragic, gay characters- don’t know what it is, but they make my heart melt).

But aside from how much I adored Ronan, there were plenty of other things to admire here. The concept was seriously cool. I mean, it’s about people that steal things from dreams for crying out loud! I mentioned this to a friend of mine who doesn’t read YA and even they had to admit it sounded awesome. And that’s because it is. I rarely praise anything for being original- but I have to give Stiefvater kudos here- anyone that can come up with something new about dreamlore (yes, that’s a random thing I’m a fan of) has my vote. This concept created an edgy vibe that worked so well alongside discovering Ronan’s character.

But there were many other major pluses to this book- and I felt it was a definite improvement on the first one! I definitely preferred the antagonists- particularly the ominously named Grey Man- in this one. Unlike the first book, I got into this one straight away and flew through it. I also felt like I connected more with other characters and want to get to know them more. The twists and turns of the plot were ultimately so satisfying that I was left sated- and yet with a healthy appetite for more!

Rating: 4½/5 bananas

half bananahalf bananahalf bananahalf banana half banana

Right-y ho! Hope you all enjoyed that! Have you read this book? Did you enjoy it? Let me know in the comments!

The Olympics Book Tag

olympics book tag.png

Okay- so I have been really off the boil lately- I blame the hot weather. I mean, how can anyone do anything when it’s so lovely and warm outside? All it makes me want to do every day is just lounge around and read! Seriously, if being lazy was a competition I’d win a gold medal. And in the spirit of my disorganisation, I have totally missed the boat on this one and the Olympics have come to an end… whoops. But instead of waiting four years to do this tag, I figured I’d just celebrate my complete failure and do it anyway! (*Woohoo fails!*)

Thanks so much to the fabulous Quirky Book Nerd for tagging me to do this one!

100m | A book you have raced through.

Wizards_first_rule

I’m gonna go with Wizard’s First Rule, which I read last week. Despite being an 800 page novel, I whizzed right through this one.

Michael Phelps | The best book you’ve ever read.

heart of darkness

Not gonna lie- I don’t follow the Olympics (yes, I’m choosing this moment to tell you that) so this reference is totally lost on me. And speaking of things I have no idea about… I haven’t a clue how to answer this question! Possibly Heart of Darkness– okay, I’m gonna go with Heart of Darkness. Final answer.

final answer.png

(Extra cool points if you got this reference!)

Synchronized Diving | A perfect couple.

carry on

Divert your eyes if you haven’t read Carry On: but I’ve got to go with Baz and Simon. They put the aww back in awesome (oh gosh- that pun made even me wince- I sincerely apologise)

Simone Biles | A short and sweet book.

to all the boys

No explanation needed!

Rugby 7s | A tough book you struggled to finish.

one hundred years of solitude

Easily 100 Years of Solitude- man that was a painful read- you can read why I thought so here.

Golf | A new genre outside of your comfort zone.

the martian

Ooh this is a fun one to answer- I’m recently interested in reading Sci fi- all thanks to the Martian by Andy Weir

Heptathlon | The best series.

northern lights

I’m gonna have to go with Northern Lights cos just thinking about it makes me tear up- but an honorary mention has to go to Harry Potter (as you may have guessed from my recent posts I’m feeling really nostalgic right now- actually, considering how subversive those posts are, I doubt I’ve given that impression…)

Gymnastics | A book with a lot of plot twists.

gone-girl-PB

Gonna have to steal the Quirky Book Nerd’s answer for this one- because it’s gotta be Gone Girl– could there be any other answer??

Swimming | A book that made you sob.

Harry_Potter_and_the_Order_of_the_Phoenix

Pretty easy feat (see my Heptathlon answer)- gonna be unoriginal and give Harry another mention, cos it’s got to be Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix– you know why!!! (or at least you should!)

Trampoline | A childhood favorite.

Hobbit_cover

Can I ever get through a tag without mentioning this at least once?

I tag- everybody! Let’s face it- it’s sunny and I’m lazy about tagging anyone in particular and I’m not sure how many people want to do this now the Olympics are over…

Reading Between the Lines of Harry Potter – Part 3

Hermione Granger Is A Racist

hermione lost it

Well hello again! As you may know, in my last two posts, I’ve been “reading between the lines” of Harry Potter- and if you don’t know what I’m talking about you can catch up with part 1 and part 2 here and here. Today I’m going to fill you in on the last piece of the puzzle. Because now that we’ve confirmed that Voldemort (in the guise of Ron) is really the victim and Harry is the villain- what does that make Hermione? Well I’ll tell you: a racist. “How did I reach that conclusion?!” I hear you ask- allow me to explain!

  1. Let’s start with the obvious shall we: SPEW is clearly a cover for her to *spew* her racist beliefs. As a racist she would need the cover of pretending to help people so that she can really oppress them- classic racist behaviour!
  2. Her parents are dentists and everyone knows all dentists are Tories- and everyone knows all Tories are racist. End of story.
  3. J K Rowling obviously wanted to cover up the fact that she accidentally created a racist character and therefore she cast a black actress for the part- it’s a conspiracy dammit!! And that’s why the racists were so offended by this casting- we got one of their own! 
  4. Why is Hermione so offended about being called a “Mudblood”? Obviously it’s not cos it’s an offensive term (as a muggle born she doesn’t even know what it means at first, just sayin’)- it’s because they’re stealing her limelight as the biggest, baddest racist on the block!
  5. Come to think of it she probably has a thing about “pure bloods”- bet she says that with a sneer.
  6. What? You wanted more of an explanation? Haven’t you learnt to read between the lines yet? Oh, alright then…
  7. When Hermione dresses up she reveals her *true* colours. Namely, at the Yule Ball she wears blue (for tories) and at Bill and Fleur Weasley’s wedding she wears purple (the colour of Euroscepticism!) That tells us everything we need to know! I bet she voted Brexit as well- the animal.

One of these days you’re all gonna say I’ve gone too far with these satiric posts!

BUT IT IS NOT THIS DAY.png

(At least I hope not!)

Now that I’ve successfully ruined Harry Potter for you all I’m going to go hide under a rock and hope that the Potterheads don’t get me! Any good tips on where to hide? Preferably somewhere in the Muggle realm- I don’t want to run into any pissed off wizards now that I’ve slandered, ahem, revealed their heroes for who they really are…

Reading Between the Lines of Harry Potter – Part 2

Harry Potter Is the Real Villain and Voldemort Is Just an Innocent Bystander

harry potter how dare you.png

Okay, so if you’re back for more, that clearly means you’ve read my last post and whole-heartedly agree that Ron Weasley is the Dark Lord. And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, you can check out my last post here, where I’m quite confident of convincing you of my whack-job conspiracy theories, ahem, I mean absolutely genius epiphany. Now I’m about to explain to you why Harry Potter is the *real* villain of the story- buckle up cos you’re in for quite a ride!

  1. The Dark Lord is obviously a misnomer- who would name themselves the Dark Lord and actually be evil with it? That’s obviously a red herring. Presumption that Voldy is evil: debunked!
  2. Voldemort lit-er-ally means “flight from death”- who would call themselves that if they wanted to kill people? They obviously hate death more than anything!
  3. Voldy has to spend so much of his adult life in hiding cos everyone is mean to him. Especially Dumbledore, who wouldn’t let him fulfil his lifelong ambition of corrupting, ahem, I mean moulding the minds of kids
  4. rita-skeeter-1450192689Harry Potter’s clearly a psycho- I mean did you see him flip out in book 5? And did you read what Rita Skeeter said about him? Why on earth would she lie- I mean, she’s a journalist! He’s clearly so schizo he doesn’t even remember the interview going down like that- how could we possibly believe any of his accounts after that?
  5. History is written by the winners- which means that Harry and his cronies are liars and we can’t trust anything they say. In fact, we should believe the opposite- conclusion HARRY IS EVIL!
  6. Ermm I’m running out of ideas- will “because I said so” work again?
  7. Oh I’ve got one- Harry where’s glasses, and as a glasses wearer myself I know that glasses wearers are never to be trusted
  8. Come to think of it- one of his main descriptors is his knobbly knees- and you should never trust someone who has knobbly knees (you should also never trust anyone that says “trust me”- trust me on that one)

voldemort sees the truth.png

Well- I hope you are all sufficiently enlightened after that! And if not- what’s the matter with you- didn’t you “read between the lines” like I did? Jeez! I’ll be back tomorrow with the last lesson on the matter- hopefully you’ll get the picture then!

Reading Between the Lines of Harry Potter – Part 1

Ron Weasley Is Secretly the Dark Lord

ron who me

So if you read my last post, you will know what a “fan” I am of people saying “read between the lines” (and if you don’t know you can read my rant here). After that post I just thought it would fun to share an example with you all of how you can read between the lines of just about any book! And since it seems to be Harry Potter month on the Blogosphere, I thought what better time could I have to write out my “best” interpretations of Harry Potter. Today- I’ll be starting off by debunking the biggest Harry Potter myth of all: that Ron Weasley is Harry Potter’s loyal friend and sidekick. THE TRUTH WILL SHOCK YOU- because I’m about to prove beyond any reasonable doubt that Ron Weasley is in fact the Dark Lord:

 

  1. Ron seems particularly fond of calling the Dark Lord HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED- obviously that is something Voldemort would do, as he would want to make people more afraid of the Dark Lord himself
  2. In the earlier books Ron’s never in the same place at the same time as Voldemort- coincidence? I THINK NOT! (obviously when they are in the same place at the same time it’s cos of the whole “split soul personality disorder horcrux” thing- duh- I mean, read between the lines!)
  3. peter pettigrewHe harbours resentment towards Harry for being the Chosen One- he pretends this is just jealousy to cover up the fact he is the Dark Lord
  4. He harboured his buddy Peter Pettigrew for years, pretending he was just a harmless rat called Scabbers, and then played innocent when the jig was up (the duplicitous snake!)
  5. Did you ever read Molly’s version of giving birth to Ron? No? Well nor did I! That obviously never happened
  6. If I was the Dark Lord, I’d also want to hide in plain sight, but I’d want to be someone no one would suspect: that’s why he picks a pure blood family with a soft spot for muggles- no one would suspect!
  7. And lastly, the most important reason of all… because I said so!

Still not convinced? Well here is a pic you can’t argue with:

ron avada kedavra

Caught in the act! Stay tuned for part two where I will reveal more Harry Potter theories truths to you all!! And I’m not going to ask if you agree with my interpretation- because if you read between the lines you are certain to reach the same conclusions I did!😉