I recently discovered this on my computer and thought it was so funny that I just had to share it. Perhaps it will be part of a new section on my blog. Hope you enjoy!
If Hardy had written Twilight…
In sunny Arizona, the pure, yet alluring, (and ridiculously clumsy) Bella Swan accidentally burns down her house and is exiled to Forks. It is clear from the constant rain that her life here will be ill-fated. In Forks she meets Jacob, who pretends to be related to her, in order to seduce and then rape her. She later falls in love with the supposedly wonderful Edward Cullen. However when he discovers Bella’s past he cannot be reconciled to it, even though he’s a vampire, and so runs off to Italy to live with the Volturi. Bella is left at the mercy of the werewolves, including the lascivious Jacob. Alice foresees Bella’s death and tries to warn Edward, but the message is delayed by the Volturi. Edward returns to Forks too late- Jacob pretended to imprint on Bella and then turned her into a werewolf. When Bella sees Edward again she is so distraught that she kills Jacob with a silver bullet. After a brief moment of happiness, Bella accepts her punishment and is torn to shreds by the pack, while Edward stands by and watches.