The Worst YA Novel Plan – Ever! PART 1

Ever wondered how someone writes one of those dreadful YA books? You know- the kind that’s just full of all the worst tropes and clichés? So did I! To try and understand what possesses someone to commit such a heinous crime against literature, I’ve decided to put myself in the mindset of one of these criminals (*ahem, I mean “authors”*) and create my very own plan for the world’s worst YA novel- ever! And of course I’m going to overload it with all the terrible tropes from my least favourite YA tropes post. This should be fun… So let’s get started!

Book 1: Special Snowflakes and Insta-love Galore

bella swanMeet Sally McEveryman. There is absolutely nothing special about her. She is so plain, with her mousy brown hair and ordinary brown eyes. Her hobbies include doing laundry and reading books. No one could ever find her interesting or attractive, because, as I said, there’s nothing special about her… or will they?

chad michael murrayEnter Harry the Hottie. He’s an impossibly attractive male. He is just the bestest! He’s one of life’s good guys! Yay!! Obviously, he has an impossibly incredible secret, that he cannot possibly tell anyone about, because that would be bad- because, you know, reasons. But then his eyes meet Sally’s across the room and…. *INSTALOVE*!!! Ding ding ding! (Okay you get the idea, stars realign, the whole world stops, yada yada yada).

*Insert kissing montage here*

In between kissing, make sure you quote better works of fiction, so kissing seems deep and meaningful.

Oh and add *lots and lots of info-dumps* here, so now everyone is totally clued up on how the world works. No one will question any of it for the rest of the book- especially not the main character who is very understanding and accepting of all strange things. Cos that’s just how she rolls.

Suddenly Sally is thrown into a world of intrigue and danger. Because it turns out Sally is the Special Snowflake that was prophecised- who knew? What a relief, she is special after all. HALLELUJAH! Everybody do a happy dance. Okay, now she must train to save the world from the terrible *threat*

*Insert training montage here*

But oh no, just as she is trying to concentrate on the two most pressing issues in her life (the end of the world and her new boyfriend- squeal!) she meets someone who will change her perception on everything: Bad Boy Bob. Now Bad Boy Bob is not your run of the mill hero- no he’s a sarcastic, leather jacket wearing rogue. And he doesn’t agree with the Powers That Be with how they’re running things. He also doesn’t think Sally is such a Special Snowflake at all. And some generic blond mean girls agree with him. Cue: crying, lots and lots of anxious crying.

bad_boy_by_g_rape_fruit-d5y3me3Sally desperately wants to hate Bad Boy Bob, but the only issue is there is some *insane* chemistry between them (emphasis on the insane). What’s a girl to do? Treat him like a leper and ignore him or desperately try to prove herself to him and all the generic blond mean girls? You guessed it- she tries to prove herself.

The Real Look of Lord Voldemort from "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire"And guess what? She manages to prove that she is the most saviour-y of the saviours. She is the Chosen One! Cue everyone’s amazing gratitude as she saves some tiny children from a burning building. Still, this won’t solve her problems- because there’s an evil villain prowling about called I-Am-The-Evil-Dark-One-Cower-In-Fear-But-Don’t-Judge-Me-It’s-Not-My-Fault-I-Have-A-Stupid-Name (I. M. Evil for short) who wants to ruin everything! Oh no!

But worse than that- Bad Boy Bob seems more appealing than ever AND he seems to be interested in her after all the saving the children thing. Which is not good- because all she wants is to be happy with Harry the Hottie- but Bad Boy Bob is incredibly distracting and sooo cute. She thinks she might love both of them. Also, destiny is telling her that one of them is her soulmate!!

*Cue angst*

Apocalypse1-630x420

Who will she choose?? Okay, the world is coming to an end (because, you know, reasons) but that’s not the most important thing happening here- seriously, we shouldn’t be concerned with the fact the sun’s gonna *literally* crash into the earth or something, nope, what we should really worry about is how this lovestruck teenager will choose between two perfectly decent guys.

I. M. Evil does some evil sh*t and kidnaps her parents or something (yes she has parents- they didn’t turn up earlier because they weren’t relevant to the plot- but turns out they knew she was the saviour all along, they just wanted to protect her from her *destiny*- keep up people). Now she has to choose between her family and the world. She can’t decide. Daddy dies. Cue: heartbreak and despair. Oh and Bad Boy Bob turns out to be her sworn enemy. So cue: double heartbreak. *Sally runs off with Harry the Hottie*

That’s basically the plot for book 1. Tune in next time to see what happens with Sally and co.

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82 thoughts on “The Worst YA Novel Plan – Ever! PART 1

  1. Tanya Cliff says:

    “Still, this won’t solve her problems- because there’s an evil villain prowling about called I-Am-The-Evil-Dark-One-Cower-In-Fear-But-Don’t-Judge-Me-It’s-Not-My-Fault-I-Have-A-Stupid-Name (I. M. Evil for short) who wants to ruin everything! Oh no!”

    This is wonderfully funny! Maybe you should write the ultimate YA satire novel…for adults and smart YA’s. I love these posts!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Carrianne says:

    This book sounds amazing, so I have no idea what you’re talking about. 😉 I’d totally read a book if one of the character’s names was Bad Boy Bob (it definitely had me chuckling).

    In all seriousness though, this was hilarious. Thanks for the chuckle! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. alloftheseprompts says:

    I think I’ve read this one a few times with different covers…
    I’m weirdly curious what shall happen to Sally McEveryman in the next installments!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Briana says:

    Sometimes I think about seriously doing this. I’ll read a book that is really unoriginal or just really clearly a remake of some already-published book and think “I bet I can copy some random older middle grade and revamp it! I should try and see if it gets published!” :p

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Me says:

    If you’re going to mock things mercilessly, then perhaps you ought to learn to spell and punctuate. This just makes you look like a spoiled teeny-bopper who’s jealous of everyone’s success because you’re Not Them. You also sound like the sort of person who would have bullied me when I was a child. Go back to your fluffy fashion magazines and your crushing on Bieber, and leave the writing to those of us who actually are aware of how things work.

    Plus, what half-wit came up with this “special snowflake” concept, anyway? Anyone who is aware of scientific principles (and the law of averages) knows that it is impossible for the “no two snowflakes are alike” notion to be true–it was, in fact, disproven when I was a child. So stop throwing that phrase around; it means NOTHING.

    Like

  6. Fatima @ NoteablePad says:

    THIS POST! I could not stop laughing! I’ve seen this book before, no doubt. But I 100% prefer your plan. I need to know more! *patiently awaiting the next book*

    Liked by 1 person

    • theorangutanlibrarian says:

      hahahaha of course- how could I not make two movies out of it- there’s so many things that happen in the last book that it wouldn’t be fair to my audience if I didn’t make them pay for two cinema tickets :p

      Like

  7. Donna says:

    MOUHAHAHAHAHAHA. Get an agent and publish that book! When you take a look at what’s been published, yours has everything and a little more: humour! That would do good to some YA characters. Your book would break all records and you’d be the savior of YA novels! You’d get your picture next to J.K Rowling! All I want is a dedication, you know, for my amazing support and general awesomeness. And a girl trip to Barbados with all that new money.
    When does Book 2 get released???? I can’t wait!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Will says:

    I needed to thank you for this great read!! I absolutely
    enjoyed every bit of it. I have got you saved as a favorite to check
    out new stuff you post…

    Like

  9. Summer @ Xingsings says:

    Oh gosh, you’re so right! I strongly dislike the special snowflake (and sometimes even the Chosen One) syndrome. It’s just so overdone and a easy start for authors… And instalove is so unrealistic. I definitely prefer instaattraction seeing that that does really happen in real life. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

    • theorangutanlibrarian says:

      Ahh me too- “chosen one” can be hit and miss. It really is. Oh gosh instalove drives me crazy! Yeah I completely get that- obviously that happens all the time- it’s just when they start spoiting the l-word after five minutes that I have a problem with

      Liked by 1 person

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