Ever wondered how someone writes one of those dreadful YA books? You know- the kind that’s just full of all the worst tropes and clichés? So did I! To try and understand what possesses someone to commit such a heinous crime against literature, I’ve decided to put myself in the mindset of one of these criminals (*ahem, I mean “authors”*) and create my very own plan for the world’s worst YA novel- ever! And of course I’m going to overload it with all the terrible tropes from my least favourite YA tropes post. This should be fun… So let’s get started!
Book 1: Special Snowflakes and Insta-love Galore
Meet Sally McEveryman. There is absolutely nothing special about her. She is so plain, with her mousy brown hair and ordinary brown eyes. Her hobbies include doing laundry and reading books. No one could ever find her interesting or attractive, because, as I said, there’s nothing special about her… or will they?
Enter Harry the Hottie. He’s an impossibly attractive male. He is just the bestest! He’s one of life’s good guys! Yay!! Obviously, he has an impossibly incredible secret, that he cannot possibly tell anyone about, because that would be bad- because, you know, reasons. But then his eyes meet Sally’s across the room and…. *INSTALOVE*!!! Ding ding ding! (Okay you get the idea, stars realign, the whole world stops, yada yada yada).
*Insert kissing montage here*
In between kissing, make sure you quote better works of fiction, so kissing seems deep and meaningful.
Oh and add *lots and lots of info-dumps* here, so now everyone is totally clued up on how the world works. No one will question any of it for the rest of the book- especially not the main character who is very understanding and accepting of all strange things. Cos that’s just how she rolls.
Suddenly Sally is thrown into a world of intrigue and danger. Because it turns out Sally is the Special Snowflake that was prophecised- who knew? What a relief, she is special after all. HALLELUJAH! Everybody do a happy dance. Okay, now she must train to save the world from the terrible *threat*
*Insert training montage here*
But oh no, just as she is trying to concentrate on the two most pressing issues in her life (the end of the world and her new boyfriend- squeal!) she meets someone who will change her perception on everything: Bad Boy Bob. Now Bad Boy Bob is not your run of the mill hero- no he’s a sarcastic, leather jacket wearing rogue. And he doesn’t agree with the Powers That Be with how they’re running things. He also doesn’t think Sally is such a Special Snowflake at all. And some generic blond mean girls agree with him. Cue: crying, lots and lots of anxious crying.
Sally desperately wants to hate Bad Boy Bob, but the only issue is there is some *insane* chemistry between them (emphasis on the insane). What’s a girl to do? Treat him like a leper and ignore him or desperately try to prove herself to him and all the generic blond mean girls? You guessed it- she tries to prove herself.
And guess what? She manages to prove that she is the most saviour-y of the saviours. She is the Chosen One! Cue everyone’s amazing gratitude as she saves some tiny children from a burning building. Still, this won’t solve her problems- because there’s an evil villain prowling about called I-Am-The-Evil-Dark-One-Cower-In-Fear-But-Don’t-Judge-Me-It’s-Not-My-Fault-I-Have-A-Stupid-Name (I. M. Evil for short) who wants to ruin everything! Oh no!
But worse than that- Bad Boy Bob seems more appealing than ever AND he seems to be interested in her after all the saving the children thing. Which is not good- because all she wants is to be happy with Harry the Hottie- but Bad Boy Bob is incredibly distracting and sooo cute. She thinks she might love both of them. Also, destiny is telling her that one of them is her soulmate!!
Who will she choose?? Okay, the world is coming to an end (because, you know, reasons) but that’s not the most important thing happening here- seriously, we shouldn’t be concerned with the fact the sun’s gonna *literally* crash into the earth or something, nope, what we should really worry about is how this lovestruck teenager will choose between two perfectly decent guys.
I. M. Evil does some evil sh*t and kidnaps her parents or something (yes she has parents- they didn’t turn up earlier because they weren’t relevant to the plot- but turns out they knew she was the saviour all along, they just wanted to protect her from her *destiny*- keep up people). Now she has to choose between her family and the world. She can’t decide. Daddy dies. Cue: heartbreak and despair. Oh and Bad Boy Bob turns out to be her sworn enemy. So cue: double heartbreak. *Sally runs off with Harry the Hottie*
That’s basically the plot for book 1. Tune in next time to see what happens with Sally and co.