Harry Potter Is the Real Villain and Voldemort Is Just an Innocent Bystander
Okay, so if you’re back for more, that clearly means you’ve read my last post and whole-heartedly agree that Ron Weasley is the Dark Lord. And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, you can check out my last post here, where I’m quite confident of convincing you of my
whack-job conspiracy theories, ahem, I mean absolutely genius epiphany. Now I’m about to explain to you why Harry Potter is the *real* villain of the story- buckle up cos you’re in for quite a ride!
- The Dark Lord is obviously a misnomer- who would name themselves the Dark Lord and actually be evil with it? That’s obviously a red herring. Presumption that Voldy is evil: debunked!
- Voldemort lit-er-ally means “flight from death”- who would call themselves that if they wanted to kill people? They obviously hate death more than anything!
- Voldy has to spend so much of his adult life in hiding cos everyone is mean to him. Especially Dumbledore, who wouldn’t let him fulfil his lifelong ambition of
corrupting, ahem, I mean moulding the minds of kids
- Harry Potter’s clearly a psycho- I mean did you see him flip out in book 5? And did you read what Rita Skeeter said about him? Why on earth would she lie- I mean, she’s a journalist! He’s clearly so schizo he doesn’t even remember the interview going down like that- how could we possibly believe any of his accounts after that?
- History is written by the winners- which means that Harry and his cronies are liars and we can’t trust anything they say. In fact, we should believe the opposite- conclusion HARRY IS EVIL!
- Ermm I’m running out of ideas- will “because I said so” work again?
- Oh I’ve got one- Harry where’s glasses, and as a glasses wearer myself I know that glasses wearers are never to be trusted
- Come to think of it- one of his main descriptors is his knobbly knees- and you should never trust someone who has knobbly knees (you should also never trust anyone that says “trust me”- trust me on that one)
Well- I hope you are all sufficiently enlightened after that! And if not- what’s the matter with you- didn’t you “read between the lines” like I did? Jeez! I’ll be back tomorrow with the last lesson on the matter- hopefully you’ll get the picture then!