Reading Between the Lines of Harry Potter – Part 2

Harry Potter Is the Real Villain and Voldemort Is Just an Innocent Bystander

harry potter how dare you.png

Okay, so if you’re back for more, that clearly means you’ve read my last post and whole-heartedly agree that Ron Weasley is the Dark Lord. And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, you can check out my last post here, where I’m quite confident of convincing you of my whack-job conspiracy theories, ahem, I mean absolutely genius epiphany. Now I’m about to explain to you why Harry Potter is the *real* villain of the story- buckle up cos you’re in for quite a ride!

  1. The Dark Lord is obviously a misnomer- who would name themselves the Dark Lord and actually be evil with it? That’s obviously a red herring. Presumption that Voldy is evil: debunked!
  2. Voldemort lit-er-ally means “flight from death”- who would call themselves that if they wanted to kill people? They obviously hate death more than anything!
  3. Voldy has to spend so much of his adult life in hiding cos everyone is mean to him. Especially Dumbledore, who wouldn’t let him fulfil his lifelong ambition of corrupting, ahem, I mean moulding the minds of kids
  4. rita-skeeter-1450192689Harry Potter’s clearly a psycho- I mean did you see him flip out in book 5? And did you read what Rita Skeeter said about him? Why on earth would she lie- I mean, she’s a journalist! He’s clearly so schizo he doesn’t even remember the interview going down like that- how could we possibly believe any of his accounts after that?
  5. History is written by the winners- which means that Harry and his cronies are liars and we can’t trust anything they say. In fact, we should believe the opposite- conclusion HARRY IS EVIL!
  6. Ermm I’m running out of ideas- will “because I said so” work again?
  7. Oh I’ve got one- Harry where’s glasses, and as a glasses wearer myself I know that glasses wearers are never to be trusted
  8. Come to think of it- one of his main descriptors is his knobbly knees- and you should never trust someone who has knobbly knees (you should also never trust anyone that says “trust me”- trust me on that one)

voldemort sees the truth.png

Well- I hope you are all sufficiently enlightened after that! And if not- what’s the matter with you- didn’t you “read between the lines” like I did? Jeez! I’ll be back tomorrow with the last lesson on the matter- hopefully you’ll get the picture then!

27 thoughts on “Reading Between the Lines of Harry Potter – Part 2

  1. How about this: Voldemort/Tom Riddle wanted to be good, and worried that his past as an orphan would affect him adversely (bitterness, blah blah). So when he found out about the supposed “chosen one” he realized “the boy who lived” would be the real bad guy and decided to nip it in the bud… But of course people don’t take kindly to killing kids, so they hate Voldemort…

    Or, wait, wait, I’ve got it! Voldemort *is* the good guy and he knew something about the prophecy that others didn’t, and knew that the “chosen one” would be evil, so he got a jump on it. But it backfired, and he had to go into hiding, and look at how years later Harry uses all the “woe is me, I’m an orphan” to his advantage, and actually tries to use Voldemort’s own/stolen powers to kill him! The fiend! Ha! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ahh yes! It’s a “should we kill Hitlet as a baby” argument! hahaha yeah exactly- he was trying to make the hard choices and do what no one else could do! haha I agree- he was doing Harry a favour, because by making him an orphan, he gave him a lot of sympathy, and maybe averted all the evil things he would have done if he’d grown up with parents… or something… hahaha


  2. Hahaha well, you’ve conviced me. We read the wrong side of the story all along! It should have been Tom Riddle and the Evil Kid that Wanted to Kill Him 😛

    On a little serious side note, I noticed you used a mental illness as an adjective (schizo). It’s common to do it, but it’s harmful and I always try to point it out for people who might not realize it. This article explains it better than I ever could.

    Anyway, I can’t wait for the next post! I hope you create more ‘reading between the line’ ones, they are hilarious!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. This is a great post and awesome theory but I think you should try and refrain yourself from using ignorant comparisons like (schizo) as I am Schizophrenic and was totally enjoying your post until I seen that. Other than that, good post. Just know it hurts to see “normal” people using mine and others illness as something funny.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Thanks- I do understand where you’re coming from- but this was a satirical piece where the true target was people that write poorly constructed arguments. This was in no way meant to be taken as a serious interpretation. Name calling and being offensive is very much a part of the satiric tradition, as it highlights the unreliability of the author (in this case me) and undermines their arguments (the silly theories I wrote here). A really good example of this is Til Death Us Do Part- an English Satirical programme in the 70s that sent up racist attitudes through its very racist main character. The idea behind it was that you laugh at the character and their attitudes, rather than with them. Now, while the intention of the piece was not to draw attention to how people use ignorant terms, it is typical of satire to use such terms so that the overall impression of the author is deemed as foolish. So while I understand your frustration, I have to make it clear that the humour is not directed at Schizophrenic people. I feel like I should have explained that to the person that wrote that last comment and I will do a thorough post about the nature of satire at some point to make these things as clear as possible in the future.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Okay I can see where your coming from, as some of your points are half true;) But I’m a dedicated Potterhead so I agree with none of this. I could give you a ramble about the opposite facts but that would take forever😂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I love these posts! And I particularly like your reasons of “obviously a red herring” and “history is written by the winners” – brilliant because I reckon you could debunk just about any normal reading of a story by using those two phrases.

    Liked by 1 person

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