Reading Between the Lines of Harry Potter – Part 3

Hermione Granger Is A Racist

hermione lost it

Well hello again! As you may know, in my last two posts, I’ve been “reading between the lines” of Harry Potter- and if you don’t know what I’m talking about you can catch up with part 1 and part 2 here and here. Today I’m going to fill you in on the last piece of the puzzle. Because now that we’ve confirmed that Voldemort (in the guise of Ron) is really the victim and Harry is the villain- what does that make Hermione? Well I’ll tell you: a racist. “How did I reach that conclusion?!” I hear you ask- allow me to explain!

  1. Let’s start with the obvious shall we: SPEW is clearly a cover for her to *spew* her racist beliefs. As a racist she would need the cover of pretending to help people so that she can really oppress them- classic racist behaviour!
  2. Her parents are dentists and everyone knows all dentists are Tories- and everyone knows all Tories are racist. End of story.
  3. J K Rowling obviously wanted to cover up the fact that she accidentally created a racist character and therefore she cast a black actress for the part- it’s a conspiracy dammit!! And that’s why the racists were so offended by this casting- we got one of their own! 
  4. Why is Hermione so offended about being called a “Mudblood”? Obviously it’s not cos it’s an offensive term (as a muggle born she doesn’t even know what it means at first, just sayin’)- it’s because they’re stealing her limelight as the biggest, baddest racist on the block!
  5. Come to think of it she probably has a thing about “pure bloods”- bet she says that with a sneer.
  6. What? You wanted more of an explanation? Haven’t you learnt to read between the lines yet? Oh, alright then…
  7. When Hermione dresses up she reveals her *true* colours. Namely, at the Yule Ball she wears blue (for tories) and at Bill and Fleur Weasley’s wedding she wears purple (the colour of Euroscepticism!) That tells us everything we need to know! I bet she voted Brexit as well- the animal.

One of these days you’re all gonna say I’ve gone too far with these satiric posts!

BUT IT IS NOT THIS DAY.png

(At least I hope not!)

Now that I’ve successfully ruined Harry Potter for you all I’m going to go hide under a rock and hope that the Potterheads don’t get me! Any good tips on where to hide? Preferably somewhere in the Muggle realm- I don’t want to run into any pissed off wizards now that I’ve slandered, ahem, revealed their heroes for who they really are…

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29 thoughts on “Reading Between the Lines of Harry Potter – Part 3

  1. Matthew Wright says:

    Bwahahahahaha! True story about Harry Potter: I was introduced to the entire series in 1999, at a dinner, by a guy who’s since become the Chancellor of Canterbury University here in NZ – he was reading the first ones, then, to his kids and explained what it was all about. That was where I first heard the word ‘muggle’, and of course I had to go and read the books after that.

    Liked by 2 people

      • Matthew Wright says:

        They were great books. I read the first few that were out after getting the heads-up & then waited eagerly for the rest as they were released. I thought the last few could have been more tightly plotted – but Rowling is such a wonderful stylist on top of all her other talents as a writer that it didn’t matter.

        Liked by 1 person

        • theorangutanlibrarian says:

          Yeah me too 🙂 Yeah I definitely agree with that one- even though I was a child at the time, I had serious issues with book 5. (not only was harry potter the first big book I ever read, but it was also the first book I critiqued- so I owe Rowling twice over!) Definitely!

          Liked by 1 person

  2. daleydowning says:

    If anyone thinks you’re actually being “real” (when you are a self-avowed HP fan), then I will happily help you hide. 😉

    It’s an interesting idea, in fact, to touch on with some of the minor characters – that there are Muggle-borns who are *actually* racist against purebloods, in a way. But I love your satire, by taking the most innocent, straightforward, honorable, and talented Muggle-born witch to turn into a complete tosser. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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