Okay, so I’ve been talking a lot about writing recently, but I know what you’re all thinking (or all should be thinking 😉 ) What qualifies this monkey-brained buffoon to talk about writing? Well- fear not- I have the answer! Because I was just the ripe old age of eight when I wrote my first novel- and today I’m going to share that with you… It’s called THE TRAPDOOR…
I know looks awesome. You are in for a right
treat (*ahem*) giggle. (Honest disclaimer: I found this, I thought it was a riot and decided to share it with you- plus I included my modern day snark, so what’s not to like?)
Ooh he’s an orphan- very original.
I feel like this is very pertinent information 😉 More importantly though, I don’t think I had much fashion sense as a child cos I think this was meant to sound tramp chic.
I feel like this is straight up plagiarising Aladdin.
Hehe okay, definitely Aladdin plagiarism.
I actually like this bit- I might steal this from myself later…
My architectural sense was as advanced as my idea of what people wore, apparently.
Ooh drama. But is the magically warming handle thing going anywhere… Spoiler alert: I’ve read the whole thing now, no it isn’t.
I almost missed this- but was he just wandering round a castle an ENTIRE DAY? Did he even take a moment to sit down? Also, did he have anything to eat other than that apple? So many questions…
Suddenly isn’t so sudden when you’ve been walking round a building for a day. Just sayin’.
AHAHAHA THIS WRITING!! I HAVE NO WORDS
Ye wot?! Plot twist!! This is so random.
Hahahaha oh dear- I thought the last plot twist was good. Ah well at least I gave the spider decent motivation- no one likes know-it-alls.
I love the childlike way of being dramatic- “anger he’d never felt before”- brilliant.
Well they sound like bastards, frankly.
I feel like the “said in disbelief” was in no way superfluous after he said “I don’t believe you” 😉
I just love how James lists reasons. He’s being quite calm, considering he’s facing off with a giant talking spider.
Well this is a lot of information the hero needs all in one place…
I love how I used the “villain tells the hero all his secret plans” trope, but I was self-aware enough to realise this was a dumb thing for the baddie to do. I also like how I had the decency to point that out- even if pointing out you’re making a dumb writing cliché doesn’t make the dumb writing cliché any less dumb. Someone should have told my eight-year-old-self that- points for effort though 😉
Also, that teensiest bit of self-awareness clearly didn’t stop me doing more of it though.
Aww well, nothing says a happy ending like decapitating a spider. I’m so glad that all worked out.
I’m also happy to say that I didn’t stop at the writing- no, I illustrated it too! Look at these masterpieces…
Well I hope you all got a good laugh out of that! I guess the lesson here is… everyone needs to start somewhere. Even if that start is tropey and silly and frankly hilariously bad. Happy writing!