To the graduating class of whatever year…

graduating monkey

So, I was reading a book recently by an author that just so happened to get an honorary degree at my graduation and it brought back memories of that “auspicious” occasion. I thought I might recount what I remember of the Dean’s speech, for your amusement, since it left a distinct impression with me:

“Ah- what a charming but irrelevant non-denominational hymn we just heard from the obligatory choir. Greetings graduating class of… err wow is that the year already? Time really does fly by, but this speech won’t, so get comfortable!

“You are all people. You have all had- uh- experiences. Some of you, for instance, had cereal for breakfast. And if you did not have cereal for breakfast, you have probably had it at some point in the past. Unless you are a celiac- in which case I’m surprised you made it this far- just a joke! Just a joke! Please god, don’t get me fired!

My point being, I’m sure each of your journeys, while entirely dissimilar, ultimately bears some resemblances- however small. You have all raced, or in some cases strolled, to the finish line. Now you have arrived, I want you to take a long hard look in the mirror and feel proud. Or not. It is entirely up to you- this is in no way me harassing you to do something you don’t want to do.

I myself am incredibly proud to stand in front of a room of strangers and pronounce them all adults- except for the screaming baby in the back who is perhaps getting ahead of the game a couple of decades early? It was very nice to meet- err I mean mentor- you all.

Now I’d like you to queue up at the front to be boinked on the head with a mystical, space bonnet! (this is a real custom guys)

NB this was satire- *surprise*- so I have to say this wasn’t the actual speech read at my graduation- but it’s close enough 😉

And to anyone graduating this year, congrats! (and if you graduated once-upon-a-long-time-ago, give yourself a pat on the bat, cos there shouldn’t be an expiry date on self-congratulation 😉)

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22 thoughts on “To the graduating class of whatever year…

  1. Lol…it would have been great if this had been the actual speech though! Although you saying it was close to this one that must really have been one heck of a funny speech!. Thanks for sharing this and making me laugh! 😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s great! At my brother-in-law’s graduation the dean of the seminary topped off his speech with a “scholarly” Greek observation that was practically word for word from “don’t do this” section of the “Exegetical Fallacies” book used by the seminary.

    Liked by 1 person

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