Well hello everybody! So, two things have been irritating me lately: 1) people calling things pretentious when they’re not actually pretentious (no beautiful writing does not automatically equal pretentious) and 2) pretentious people being pretentious (usually the same people labelling things pretentious when they’re not). Which is why I’ve decided to do the totally “mature” thing and make THE MOST PRETENTIOUS POST IN THE WORLD just to set the record straight/show that anything you can do I can do better (*yes this is satire, thank you for noticing* 😉)
Alrighty then, let’s get into this discombobulation of an articulation of my emancipation from the oppressive forces that is the English language. Yeahhh look at all those “ations” going into my word salad- myself is a veritable genius 😉 Hope yourself likes myself’s use of hypercorrection there. Thusly, myself thought I’d share my hypnotic-transcendent-mind-boggling-patriarchy-smashing-dominative-sociocratic art with you- enjoy/be amazed by…
Crease in the Wallpaper
A reference, of course, to Charlotte Perkins Gilman’s work, using shades of light and dark to obfuscate the question is anything even real? The fact that you can barely even see it represents how we are blind to the evils that exist in society purely to oppress us.
Bleeding Radiator
As the title suggests, this is a powerful piece reflecting on the wounds society invariably and unwittingly inflicts upon us with is shadowy gaze and accidental touch.
Popped Balloon
Like my hopes and dreams after this post- completely deflated.
Banana Peel
I’m a monkey, I just really like bananas. Also *symbolism* which you’ll have to figure out for yourself.
And my favourite:
Frayed Carpet
I am poor. Send help.
(unfortunately/fortunately we temporarily got rid of the rising damp in the bathroom so you can’t see that in all its glory)
(NB: though I have been forced to use the typical trappings of frames that society superficially demands I use, this is only so that you take me seriously in an increasingly unsympathetic world where artists go underappreciated, NOT because I am a “total wanker” as critics claim.)
(NBB: all the photos are raw and unfiltered… except for the ones where I’ve used filters)
Wowwww what a treat that was for the universe. Now let’s get onto my poetry. Alas- there won’t be a live performance of me accosting-strangers-on-a-street-corner à-la-nouveau slam poetry style, so since you are robbed of that, you’ll have to use your imaginations to witness me shrieking wildly *in your mind’s eye*:
Everything
was
floating
above the
nothings
Of
my
human
membrane
Dying
in
the
infinite forevers And
hopping
around
on a
kangaroo…
THE END! Finito! *Takes bow*
I sincerely hope you did that justice by picturing me just like this:
One day some lucky sod’s gonna be studying that prestigious work of art for GCSE. And on that beautiful note, I’ll love you and leave you 😉
I sense you enjoyed writing this!. There is a magazine in the UK called Private Eye which has a Pseud’s Corner feature – readers send in a quote of the most pretentious statement/piece of writing they have seen that week. They make your toes curl…..
LikeLiked by 4 people
hehe I did 😉 Ah that’s cool- I know of Private eye, but haven’t read it!
LikeLike
This is the best thing on the internet. Just wow.
LikeLiked by 1 person
hehe thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m picking up what you’re putting down, OL. ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
hehe 😉 ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m not going to comment on this.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Ah, “This is not a comment” – with apologies to Magritte.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I was more thinking of the Epimenides paradox.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Ooh – I had to check what that was, but I get it now!
LikeLiked by 2 people
You never cease to surprise me 😉.
LikeLike
hehe thank you!
LikeLike
omg ur so pretenssious how can u be alowed on the google?
Jk this post was such a masterpiece that Mona Lisa’s jealous. And that banana pic was incredible I love this. 💕
LikeLiked by 2 people
hehe thank you!! ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
I wonder if anyone has ever slipped and fallen on a banana peel.
LikeLiked by 2 people
good question 😉
LikeLike
This was
Amazing. It was almost
as though
breaking sentences
Randomly
makes poetry
LikeLiked by 3 people
hahahaha
it
definitely
does
😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
This was so much fun! Thanks so much for that!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
That was hilarious! ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you!
LikeLiked by 2 people
I couldn’t stop chuckling oh my goodness :’)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Glad you enjoyed it 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m on the floor holding my insides inside – you made my day, you pretentious monkey, you, you, you banana eater. Can’t wait to read the book.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hehe glad you enjoyed it 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Amazing! Bravo! How daring! Perfecto! I thought your choice of using letters in all of your words totally avant-garde. Not many artists today are bold enough, or talented (!!!!!!) to go that far outside the strict boundaries social culture has set-up these days. Bravo again I say!
Oh, this was so much fun to read. It was a great way to start my morning. Thanks!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hehehe why thank you, I am clearly immensely talented 😉
Glad you enjoyed it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very mise-en-scène. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hehe thank you!
LikeLike
Lol! Love these posts.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you!
LikeLike
“Woww what a treat that was for the universe”
Right on!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
hehehehe! 😉
LikeLike
WOW! So I apologise. I actually read this one the day it was posted BUT any pea-sized brain couldn’t make heads from tails of it! 🤣🤣 (I am too dumb to be true, I guess? ) so I saved it so I could come back to it later. But just now someone explained the theory behind it and NOW I CAN SEE THE AWESOMENESS OF THIS POST CLEARLY AND I ABSOLUTELY LOOVEEE ITT!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣HAHAHAH!! 😍😍😍❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
hehe no worries! Sometimes, when I do posts like this, I really think I should make it clearer I’m joking before people get the wrong idea 😉 I’m so glad you enjoyed it!! ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
❤️❤️
LikeLike
You are a delight AND a hoot.
LikeLiked by 1 person
hehe glad you enjoyed! 😀
LikeLike
This… this is fantastic, I see you possess talent for great poetry! This was a marvel to read, thanks for sharing! (Those fancy frames around the art pieces you’ve shared makes it funnier still)
LikeLiked by 1 person
hehe *takes bow* why thank you 😉 hehehe I’m glad you thought so!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I totally didn’t get this!! I feel really stupid and probably should just skip commenting… but everyone else gets it and i just wish I did too!! 🙈 I remember reading it from twitter and thinking… I must just be tired. I will read it from the computer and will get it then.❤️ I do get the concept of others being pretentious!! And how annoying that is. So bravo! I’m sure you achieved what you were aiming for, 😉
LikeLike
LOL
LikeLike