How to (re)interpret a book in a supremely superior (and nonsensical) way!

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about bad interpretations and I realised it’s actually a lot of work to come up with rubbish! So, naturally, I couldn’t help but write a uselessly absurd post about how it might be achieved (as always, this is just a joke and meant in good fun- not trying to throw shade at anyone!). And, for once I can safely say, don’t worry if you don’t like reading: there’s a good chance you won’t even have to read a single book to do this properly! Let’s get onto my “helpful” guidelines:

thinking monkey

#1 Start with your own biases and conclusions and work your way backwards- this is simply the best way to ensure you get the interpretation you desire. It doesn’t matter if it fits with the work at all, as long as your happy with the analysis- that’s the main thing! And the great thing about this is you can add your own person touch: if you don’t like certain characters/love interests/plot points, you get to decide what it meant all along… even if it runs contrary to the actual text (told you, you wouldn’t actually have to read the book!)

guilty judge

#2 Everything in a book either shows the author’s noble intentions OR shows them to be an utter scumbag. This is because every. single. word. in a book is the author’s real thoughts and they must be rewarded or punished for whatever is said (delete where appropriate)

rainbow flag

#3 All the characters were secretly gay- whether the book specifies this or not. This is just a good interpretation, regardless of the story.

read-fast

#4 Nothing is a mistake. Inconsistencies or typos or any printing mishaps are all pregnant with meaning, so you must labour to make them make sense. If there is a typo on page 26, it’s not only secretly deliberate, but it also tells you that the number 26 is the secret to the universe.

think pen write

#5 There is genius in all sentence structure/line breaks. If you cannot find the meaning behind it… make it up!

highlighters

#6 Also, don’t overlook the importance of adjectives. Each one is deep and meaningful. It is there for a reason and you must find it dammit!

worship

#7 The author is god: if they tell you how to interpret their book, then that is the correct answer (bonus points if you can use the author’s interpretation to attack or praise them- this means you can resurrect your attitude from #2). Ignore all evidence from this point on. On that note…

destroy evidence

#8 Never, ever, EVER use actual evidence. This is offensive. Remember, if you want to write true nonsense, logic must be thrown out the window, doused in oil and set on fire. The best phrase to use when someone asks you why you think something is “read between the lines”- then you are free to act superior and like anyone who disagrees with you is an absolute idiot (because, of course, they are)

grave robbing

#9 Do not admit to or acknowledge being wrong. Remember: the secret to being superior is having the right attitude and that means pretending to be super human at all costs. No matter how big of a hole you dig yourself into, you must never back down and must continue until down that tunnel until either your opponent throws themselves in to save you OR you reach the earth’s core and are fried in molten lava… whichever comes first! And finally…

pathetic fallacy sad-face-doctor

#10 There is an age-old view that reading and writing should be fun- BUT THIS IS OUTDATED! (I mean, we all know that anything that is old is bad nowadays, so you should have seen this coming). It is VERY IMPORTANT that other readers understand that reading is a miserable experience at all times and know what a sacrifice you made to indulge in this hobby undergo this procedure. Also, books no longer have any escapist elements- everything in them is always a gloomy interpretation of the awful state of reality (extra points if you can link a book to current events- whether this is relevant or written with the foreknowledge of where the world was heading. Personally, I’m looking forward to the academic work on how the Bronte sisters predicted the pandemic!)

And that’s it! That’s the *absolute best* way to interpret a book! I hope you learnt a lot/enjoyed reading my ridiculous ramblings! 😉

But of course, as perfect as this advice is, I’d like to know if (by some bizarre accident) I’ve missed something- are there any other silly ways we should be interpreting what we read? Let me know in the comments!

28 thoughts on “How to (re)interpret a book in a supremely superior (and nonsensical) way!

  1. I’ve read way too many reviews where authors seemed to have used the exact guidelines listed here 😉 I’m sure, some people will use this post as learning material 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Funny, funny, funny. Thanks for today’s laugh. However, I don’t know how many reviews (books, movies) I’ve read where the writer refuses to read the book – see the movie – because they already know everything about it (and it’s awful, terrible, and immoral to boot) based on the supreme opinion of Aunt Geranium’s Gossip Column in the Local Tiny Town Newslet and Recipe Exchange. But a lot!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Let’s not forget: Every single opinion in the book MUST REFLECT the author’s opinions. No way the author disagrees with his villain. Or if an author wrote a certain scene (e.g. a racist scene), it means the author condones it and is therefore *racist/insert accusation*

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s a good start, but I fear you are thinking too small. You have to look at the publisher and what they “usually” publish. If this doesn’t turn up anything, start combing through where the editor worked before he or she worked there … or, if all else fails, their tweets.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Don’t I know it! Two agencies that I have queried in the past have recently been destroyed because of internal disagreements over how to speak about American’s most recent bout of race riots. I realize words matter, but now we seem to have entered the “sudden death” round of discussion. Glad I am not still querying.

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s