Book characters I would fight! – Inspired by Paperback Dreams

orangutan list

Not much of a preamble for this: I saw this over on Paperback Dreams and thought it would be fun to do. Especially after I’ve been talking about being all girly

orangutan in dress

I thought it was time for a transformation!

boxing fighting orangutan0002.jpg

I think you’re supposed to see a load of characters and decide whether you want to fight them- but I figured why not just take down a bunch of peeps I really don’t like. Let’s go for the traditional twelve rounds in the ring shall we…

Round 1

Harry_Potter_and_the_Order_of_the_Phoenix

Dolores Umbridge– she deserves a smackdown even more than Voldy- am I right?!

Round 2

game of thrones book

Joffrey Baratheon– there are a lot of villains worthy of being beaten up in Westeros- however I don’t think I could even manage to lay down the law with the likes of Cersei, let alone anyone else. Joffrey on the other hand is not only a total weasel, he’s also a bit of a wuss- I think I could take him

Round 3

selection

America– THE MOST ANNOYING CHARACTER EVER! Supposedly in the prime position to help save her country and marry a prince, this “charming” whinger spends three books deciding which bloke she prefers.

Round 4

new moon

Jacob Black– Ok I put him on this list knowing full well I couldn’t win. I dunno, I could distract him with pictures of babies and maybe I’d have a chance… see why I’d want to fight this one now?

Round 5

lolita

Humbert Humbert– speaking of perverts, this one would deserve it more than most. If I’d made it this far, I think my worry wouldn’t so much be his strength as that he’s a slippery snake and I’m not sure I could beat him there.

Round 6

hunger games

President Snow– I don’t think the odds are in my favour for this one- yet he seems keen on poison- maybe I could try that?

Round 7

armadale

Lydia Gwilt– talking of poison instantly brought this villainess to mind. Her villainy stems more from cunning, so I reckon this fight would be more about outwitting her.

Round 8

court of thorns and roses

Tamlin– moving on to brute force, I don’t stand a chance of winning this, BUT Tamlin is officially the WORST example of an alpha male in fiction and I gotta give it my best shot. Now, I recently heard Maas saying this was intentional and he was designed to be a douchbag (although, while I can rest easy in the comfort I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG, it does make some of the things Rhys does in book 1 more questionable). Regardless, I reckon I’d even have the author’s approval for this one.

Round 9

tess

Alec D’Urberville– on a similar note, this guy is a douchbag and deserves a beat down.

Round 10

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Alexander– ugh this two timing creep perving on the mc totally deserves a smack round the head- at the very least!

Round 11

after the fire

Father John– because blech!

Round 12

gone with the wind 2

Scarlett O’Hara– this might be the least popular choice I make, cos she’s technically a heroine. But after recently reading the book, I had to go with it. Granted she could probably kill me (and doubtless wouldn’t blink at it) but she’s a terrible person and she’d deserve it.

Phew, that was more exhausting than I expected! And I think I got my ass whooped a few times there. But it was worth it. Do you agree or disagree with any of my choices? Which characters would you chance if you got the chance? Let me know in the comments!