Discovering More of My Old Writing

Hello all! I just have a quick, fun post today… where I embarrass myself with more of my old writing 😉 Sound like fun? Good!

I found this tucked away with some stuff from Year 9, so I’d guess I was around 14 (ooh look at me guesstimating the approximate age of the piece through contextual clues- I sound like a proper little archaeologist- don’t I? 😜 ) Anyhoo it was just on a little scrap of paper, can only rightly be called “Untitled” (otherwise I’ll give the whole plot away 😉 ) and though it’s not as epic as the previous childhood masterpiece I shared, it’s good for a laugh regardless. So here we go…

humpty dumpty writing.jpg

Oh I was very punny. Also I like how I went back and annotated this piece later. But mostly, ouch at the spelling- and at poor Humpty’s fate tbh 😉 Teen me had a point- he cuts a pretty tragic figure! What do you think? Am I right? Or am I on shaky ground here?

Humpty dumpty falling of the wall

Let me know in the comments!

Snarking on my Childhood Writing

Okay, so I’ve been talking a lot about writing recently, but I know what you’re all thinking (or all should be thinking 😉 ) What qualifies this monkey-brained buffoon to talk about writing? Well- fear not- I have the answer! Because I was just the ripe old age of eight when I wrote my first novel- and today I’m going to share that with you… It’s called THE TRAPDOOR…

the trapdoor cover

I know looks awesome. You are in for a right treat (*ahem*) giggle. (Honest disclaimer: I found this, I thought it was a riot and decided to share it with you- plus I included my modern day snark, so what’s not to like?)

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Ooh he’s an orphan- very original.

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I feel like this is very pertinent information 😉 More importantly though, I don’t think I had much fashion sense as a child cos I think this was meant to sound tramp chic.

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I feel like this is straight up plagiarising Aladdin.

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Hehe okay, definitely Aladdin plagiarism.

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I actually like this bit- I might steal this from myself later…

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My architectural sense was as advanced as my idea of what people wore, apparently.

trapdoor part 7

Ooh drama. But is the magically warming handle thing going anywhere… Spoiler alert: I’ve read the whole thing now, no it isn’t.

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I almost missed this- but was he just wandering round a castle an ENTIRE DAY? Did he even take a moment to sit down? Also, did he have anything to eat other than that apple? So many questions…

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Suddenly isn’t so sudden when you’ve been walking round a building for a day. Just sayin’.

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AHAHAHA THIS WRITING!! I HAVE NO WORDS

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Ye wot?! Plot twist!! This is so random.

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Hahahaha oh dear- I thought the last plot twist was good. Ah well at least I gave the spider decent motivation- no one likes know-it-alls.

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I love the childlike way of being dramatic- “anger he’d never felt before”- brilliant.

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Well they sound like bastards, frankly.

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I feel like the “said in disbelief” was in no way superfluous after he said “I don’t believe you” 😉

trapdoor part 16

I just love how James lists reasons. He’s being quite calm, considering he’s facing off with a giant talking spider.

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Well this is a lot of information the hero needs all in one place…

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I love how I used the “villain tells the hero all his secret plans” trope, but I was self-aware enough to realise this was a dumb thing for the baddie to do. I also like how I had the decency to point that out- even if pointing out you’re making a dumb writing cliché doesn’t make the dumb writing cliché any less dumb. Someone should have told my eight-year-old-self that- points for effort though 😉

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Also, that teensiest bit of self-awareness clearly didn’t stop me doing more of it though.

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Aww well, nothing says a happy ending like decapitating a spider. I’m so glad that all worked out.

I’m also happy to say that I didn’t stop at the writing- no, I illustrated it too! Look at these masterpieces…

Well I hope you all got a good laugh out of that! I guess the lesson here is… everyone needs to start somewhere. Even if that start is tropey and silly and frankly hilariously bad. Happy writing!