Popular Books I Hated

A lot of these aren’t necessarily highly rated (most of these don’t have the best GR scores) they’ve just been read by *a lot* of people. But for the ones that are well loved- try not to crucify me for having a different opinion- thanks! The clue is in the title: these are not books that I liked, so don’t get upset that I didn’t like them. And if you think the title’s harsh, just consider the fact that I could’ve titled this “shit books that I hate” like Lily C on Youtube (really recommend by the way).

Fifty Shades of Gray– let’s start with the obvious one. I can’t be diplomatic about this: I think Fifty Shades of Grey is one of the most loathsome books of all time. In fact, it’s my quintissential example of a bad book (so thanks for being that I guess, everyone needs a go-to bad book). I mean, you’re free to like it, whatever floats your boat, but it’s objectively awful: badly written, has a bad plot (*ahem* no plot), bad romance (not the ra ra ooh la la kind), bad sex, bad characters, bad messages. Just bad. It reads like it was written on a Blackberry when the author did her groceries… and I know for a fact half of that statement is 100% true. *Sigh*.

Captain Corelli’s Mandolin– I started my book blog to complain about this book- no joke! (so I guess I owe it a vote of thanks, cos I don’t think I’d ever have plucked up the courage to get going otherwise). This was my first review (not the best review, but whatever)- I was bored for huge parts of it and when I wasn’t bored I was raging.

Da Vinci Code– I don’t really need to explain this one. It’s a dumb book. The plot is dumb, the characters are dumb and the writing is dumb (also I read this when I was thirteen and it made me lose faith in adult’s taste in books for a good five years).

The Selection– I feel like this is low hanging fruit at this stage. I hated the characters and if I’d heard of the bachelor before I’d read it, I never would’ve picked it up, cos this not. a. good. idea. Plus, America (the character not the place) sucks.

As I Lay Dying– this book basically explains why I hate postmodernist claptrap: it’s illogical, it makes no sense and the people peddling it are out of their mind with pretentiousness (and that’s me being generous).

Nutshell– bravo for butchering Shakespeare! (*sarcasm detected*) Perhaps I wouldn’t have hated this up-itself book so much if it hadn’t been a retelling of Hamlet- oh the folly of writing such crap and calling it intellectual. Then again, it’s also really crass, so I don’t think it could have stood on its own merit anyway.

Lolita– I don’t despise Lolita- it is at least well written. But it is also completely disgusting and I hated every second of my experience with it. I would have happily DNF’d this if it hadn’t been for a class.

The Sun is Also a Star– this is probably the highest rated book on GR to make it onto this list- I just… hated it. The premise is stupid and basically reads like instalove on acid. And the female lead rubbed me the wrong way.

The Fault in Our Stars– yep grab your torches and pitchforks! This isn’t the worst book on here, but I still didn’t like this book. It was predictable, the characters didn’t talk like normal human beings let alone teens and some of the *oh-look-at-this-symbolism* went too far- that scene where they’re snogging in the Anne Frank museum is in poor taste.

The Eye of the World– I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry. I really didn’t like this and I don’t think anything’s going to change my mind. It’s dull and full of infodumps and feels like a ripoff of far better fantasy. I have never looked at the page count more for any other book.

Girl with a Pearl Earring– way to ruin a great painting with stupid internal monologues and presumptive bilge. The worst thing about this is that the mc’s voice and story doesn’t even fit with the feel of the painting. It doesn’t capture any of the essence of Vermeer’s artistry and feels like it’s piggybacking off of a much finer piece of work.

Okay, so agree or disagree with my list? Do you hate any popular books? Let me know in the comments!

Book Sacrifice Tag

I must love courting controversy or something- cos I am pretty excited to do this tag- even though it’ll probably get me into trouble…. Ah well, c’est la vie! Anyway, I’ve always loved this tag, so thank you so much to A Novel Glimpse for tagging me to do it! Alrighty then- let’s get to it!

  1. An Over-Hyped Book:

Situation: You’re in a store when the zombie apocalypse hits. The military informs everyone that over-hyped books are the zombies only weakness. What book that everyone else says is amazing but you disliked do you start chucking at the zombies?

The_Fault_in_Our_Stars

Okay, okay- this is going to come as a shock to some people, but I didn’t like the Fault In Our Stars. Just be appeased by my casual reference to the book and *look away now*- cos damn that is a dumb reference. What? You’re not supposed to be reading this! Fine, if you’re still reading this, and haven’t turned away in disgust, then here are my reasons for not liking Fault In Our Stars:

  1. It’s obvious- I guessed what was gonna happen when they introduced Augustus as “in remission”- I mean, I’ve read other books about cancer before- heck I’ve read other books before period- it may as well have been a big neon sign HE’S GONNA DIE!
  2. Even if it wasn’t obvious, I didn’t connect with the characters enough to care. Because they all spoke in the most stilted unnatural way and were so far from actually being humans, I couldn’t relate- at all.
  3. In fact, the whole thing slaps you round the face with pretentious “metaphors”- and if that wasn’t bad the characters themselves described their own actions as metaphors- ughh get the sick bucket quick!
  4. The kiss in the Anne Frank house was distasteful. I don’t know what kind of weird wish fulfilment was going on here- but why on earth did Green think it should be applauded? Having cancer does not give you the excuse to be disrespectful about holocaust victims. I don’t have the faintest idea why Green drew parallels here- but it was so inappropriate.

I could go on, but I think I may have pissed off TFIOS fans enough for one day….

  1. A Sequel:

Situation: torrential downpour. What sequel are you willing to use as an umbrella to protect yourself?

Breaking_Dawn_cover

I know I’ve used this before too, but I have to pick any Twilight sequel. Surprising as this might be I didn’t totally hate the first one- and if it had ended at that my ire for the series wouldn’t have grown into fully fledged disgust. Cos that series got progressively more dumb. I mean this is how the rest of the series goes:

Sequel 1: “Oh no Edward broke up with me!! Let’s do reckless things and talk to myself so he’ll come back to me- no I’m not crazy. I’m just so in loooovvee- whine whine whine. Ooh evil vampire council has basically decreed we must be together for eternity- that’s convenient.”

Sequel 2: “Ahh the dastardly vampire council might attack us! And the murder rate is up in Seattle. But never mind all that- I don’t want to get married to the man I love- I just want him to turn me into a vampire- wah! And also I kind of sort of like Jacob enough to string him along- and that’s fine cos he won’t take no for an answer anyway.”

Sequel 3: “Yay I’m married. Oh and now I’m preggars- whoops. Oh, the babies just ripped itself out of me- how lovely. And now I’m a vampire. Oh my former beau Jacob is in love with my baby- wait what??!!!?!? Never mind that- the evil vampire council are coming… oh wait, forget it, they left again. Let’s not worry about the creepy pedophilia shall we…”

Ok on second thoughts, my final choice is Breaking Dawn cos- eww.

(and yes I totally got carried away with that)

  1. A Classic:

Situation: You’re in English class and your professor raves about a Classic that “transcends time”. If given the opportunity to travel back in time, which Classic would you try to stop from ever publishing?

as-i-lay-dying

I would love to throw As I Lay Dying at my English Professor. In fact I would also like to see it drown and set fire to it! Words cannot express how much I hate this book- which is probably appropriate since it’s partly about how words can’t express things. Why did Faulkner write a book if he hated words so much? Why didn’t he just paint a picture? Or bake a cake? Anything other than write this stupid pretentious drivel.

  1. A Least Favorite Book:

Situation: apparently global warming = suddenly frozen wasteland. Your only hope of survival for warmth is to burn a book. Which book will you not regret lighting?

50ShadesofGreyCoverArt

Fifty Shades of Grey- is any explanation really needed?

Right, so I probably made that more controversial than it needed to be… whoops. 

At this stage, I’m not sure who’s done this already, so feel free to ignore, but I tag:

A Bibliophile’s Obsession

Codie

Rose Read

yourdaughter’sbookshelf

hashtaglovebooks

Marie

Kat

Embuhlee

booksandbakes

Art and Soul

Musings of a girl

The Book Finch

Eve Messenger

The Book and the Bone

The Paper Dragon

Quirky Book Nerd

And anyone that hasn’t done this and wants to!

Fifty Shades of Grey Rant

***Disclaimer if you like Fifty Shades of Grey you probably shouldn’t read this***

fifty shades of greyAs I said in my Keep It Fresh Award: “I love Neil Gaiman; I hate Fifty Shades of Grey”. Not that the fact that I love Neil Gaiman is relevant (but it does kind of soften the blow a little). It’s just a bit of a heads up cos I’m gonna go into full-blown rant mode. Because this book seriously sucks.

There was no plot, the characters were garbage and the sex scenes were nothing like what was promised! Ok, I take some of that back- there was something of a plot, and it revolved round Christian Gray being a creepy stalker. And fairly abusive. So I guess that also proves he has a character- even though that character is a total freak. And on some level Ana does have a personality. She has the personality of a weirdo that needs a rich billionaire to make her realise that she is actually a woman with a sexuality. Oh, and she’s also someone who seems to be doing ok with her life, has her sh*t together, but somehow has never got round to buying a laptop for Uni- err what?!? How did she manage that? (incidentally, if my flatmate had constantly been asking to borrow my laptop every time they needed to do an essay, I’d have told them where to go aka THE LIBRARY).Luckily Ana has all that lip biting to make her character well-rounded. *Bangs head against the wall*. You know- because sexy-lip-biting is totally a thing *heavy sarcasm*. Give me a break. It honestly just makes me wonder about how much lip balm she probably needs (seriously my mind wandered to this while I was reading- that’s how bored I was).

We get to watch Ana’s journey of self-discovery, with all the exciting scenes we enjoyed from twilight- like doing household chores… and reading contracts. I thought the parts in Twilight when Bella did her laundry were dull- but E.L. James takes dull to a whole other level. She includes grocery shopping and working in a hardware store as part of a book about sex. What, are we supposed to be turned on by that weird scene where Christian stalks Ana at her place of work, and asks her about ropes? Oh, c’mon! Is that supposed to be sexy??? It’s just a mixture of weird and mundane.

And no, I didn’t put a spoiler warning on, because there’s no way you can be spoiled for this book. Because nothing happens. It’s just two strangers making awkward small talk and having “kinky sex”- and not very often considering this is supposed to be a raunchy book. And when they do eventually get round to it, it’s actually quite off-putting. Because to be honest, it was either extremely awkward or bordering on rapey. Which I suppose is fine if that floats your boat.

Not that I think it was really written as a rape fantasy- which just put a huge question mark over *the whole thing*. In a way, (oh my goodness I can’t believe I’m getting into an in-depth analysis of this) rape fantasies work because they’ve got the whole “I shouldn’t want this, but I do” thing going on. But this was just uncomfortable. Because there was nothing sexy about when she was being pressured into doing things she didn’t want to do. Or when she actively was not enjoying it. It just made me wonder if it was actually consensual and if it counted as sexual coercion- which is not what I want to be thinking about when I’m reading a book like this. Seriously, if you want to read better erotica, you really don’t have to look far- the internet is free and google is easy to use :p

Besides, “oh my” and “holy cow” doesn’t really do it for me- and it shouldn’t do it for anyone! Also what is with the weird 90s “baby” and the fact that she hasn’t figured out how to do anything other than email on her laptop. Oh wait, I forgot- she didn’t have a laptop till her “saviour” Christian Grey came in and bought her one. But seriously- the writing is truly dismal. “My inner goddess is doing the samba”??!!? Who writes like that?

So yeah, this book left me completely cold. Not that any of this is new- people (and me in real life) have been ranting about this book for years. But at least now I’ve made my feelings clear.

As for the rating- what rating could I possibly give this- nope, no bananas for this book! It doesn’t deserve any! Maybe a banana peel thrown at E. L. Jame’s head though!

banana peel