Bookish Hunger Games!

Ever wanted to know which book is the MOST SAVAGE?! Well I’m about to answer that question for you 😉

So, I had this idea to pick 12 books at random, have them fight it out and kill each other, until only one is left standing!! The winner not only gets to keep their life, but shall be crowned Victor!

Welcome to the inaugural year of the BOOKISH HUNGER GAMES!!! *

*this may be the only time I ever do this, cos I don’t know if this is a good idea, we shall see…

Okay using my whopping great big database from the last 7 years of reading and a random number generator, I came up with the following twelve tributes:

(I’m guessing that the Thief was the most likely one to volunteer for altruistic reasons…)

Right out of the gate, we know that Spanish Love Deception is getting mowed down. It’s weak sauce even for a romance novel and it got in the way of the Silent Patient getting some serious weaponry up its sleeve… (of course this is the last we shall see of the Silent Patient for a while as she skulks off to find a cave somewhere).

The Thief has a soft centre and tries to protect Little Dorrit, but she gets bludgeoned to death by a team of Wilder Girls, House of Salt and Sorrow and Young Elites (otherwise known as Team YA Killers). The Thief is kinda mopey about this (but really he should’ve chosen a better ally).

You absolutely forgot Accident Season was there… and not in a good way… it dies of hypothermia off screen. One could almost say accidentally.

Wilder Girls, though a strong contender, gets caught in a weird inexplicable gust of acid rain and morphs into some kind of monster. Out of the game… (until a few years from now when her remains are transformed into some kind attack-dog-monster-hybrid-monster-thing)  

Eventually Young Elites stabs House of Salt and Sorrow in the back. House just wasn’t as savage as it thought it was.

Captivate totally thought they were in it with a chance to win- because it’s used to being all smart and figuring out what a raised eyebrow means. Unfortunately, they didn’t take a hint and duck when Blackwing raised an axe to their head.

Girl at the Lion D’Or wasn’t really sure where it was going or what it was trying to be, so she drifted around until the end, but got mysteriously murdered off in a cave somewhere. I’m not saying that a certain Patient did it, but they’ve been oddly silent this whole time.

Malibu Rising has surprised everyone by making it this far. Surprisingly resourceful and savage, she burns down half a forest in an attempt to wipe out the remaining contestants. Young Elites and the Thief are both caught in the blaze- they just don’t have very good luck.

However, Malibu shouldn’t have stood there gloating so long, as one of the final contenders, Blackwing, smashes them upside the head. Out for the count.

And of course, the final twist, you won’t even see coming… Blackwing gets their comeuppance at the hands of the Silent Patient. Blackwing goes looking for her, sees her cowering in a cave, thinks he has her cornered… and let’s just say what happens next is a total bloodbath. Silent’s patience paid off 😉

Victor:

And that’s all for this year’s Bookish Hunger Games!! I hope you enjoyed reading that as much as I had fun writing it! Were there any surprises in there for you? Did your favourite contestant make it to the end? Let me know in the comments!

Tales of a Haunted Comment Section – A Spooktacular Short Story!

Hope you all in enjoy my silly little Halloween story…

“Hello peeps! I’m logging on bright and early today!” I write- then cross out that line, because it seems far chirpier than I truly feel in my pyjamas and under-caffeinated state. I sigh. My eyes flick over the screen of my wordpress cooking blog, The Hungry Dragon. It’s all grown a bit… stale. The ideas just aren’t coming like they used to. I wanted to share a whole load of seasonal baking recipes and fun posts for this October… but it just hasn’t happened. I guess I’ve lost my touch.

Still, I’m grateful to see the orange notifications sign ping for the first time in a while. Clicking, I see an avatar I don’t recognise.

Huh. Well, that’s an odd introduction, but it’s always good to make new friends!

I buzz back a reply: thanks, how so?

My fingers hesitate on the keyboard. Before I can reply, there is another line:

Okay, that’s too far. And not particularly funny. A little part of me wants to slam down on the keys and tell whoever this dolt is to piss off… though truthfully I know there would be little point. They could just create another profile and harass me that way. Swallowing my irritation, I log off and go to work. I’ve no time to deal with stupid internet trolls.

*****

Slouching into my chair at 17:32, I’m not exactly in the mood for… wait what is that? “Activity seems high on your blog today”. No shit sherlock- there seems to be a new comment on every post… and all from the same (clearly hyperactive) troll.

My fingers twitch; my face heats. This has gone beyond a joke now. I wish I was genuinely a fire-breathing dragon, cos I’d take some serious pleasure in barbecuing this sod. Instead, I have to resort to my least-favourite blogging tool: the block button. I hit it with a teeth-grinding thud, hoping the jerk on the other side of the screen feels the force of it.

A new notification pops up almost immediately. 

“What the…?”

The gravatar’s grin seems to grow, laughing at me.

“This isn’t funny,” I splutter to myself.

“What do you want?!” I scream at the screen- even if it is not as if it can hear me.

I slam down my laptop lid. The pings keep coming. And coming. I want to swipe the thing to the floor, yet instead I curl in a ball and wait for the darkness to take over the room. The pings keep coming. Surely it cannot go on all night? I hug my knees into my chest and wait.

*****

Darkness creeps around the room. A sullen silence has settled around my desk. I think it’s finally stopped- though I do not have the courage to go and check.

This is ridiculous, I chide myself. How can I be scared of my own computer? There has to be an explanation- and I’m not going to find it cowering in my room, afraid of my own LED screen. I will not go quietly. I am a dragon after all… well, in a manner of speaking.

I whip open my screen and click on write post before I can chicken out.

I hit post and open a new tab to google how exactly I can get this loser taken down. A new ping chimes in, as if on cue.

I finally breathe again.

My heart stutters; the screen flickers. Shadows appear in the reflected light. Squeezing my eyes shut, I try to block out the way my blog chimes with activity. The way the computer crackles with life. I just want to log off and shut down. Because this isn’t happening. This isn’t.

All the cables in my head have been fried, hearing rustles where there shouldn’t be and a subtle scythe-like slashing coming from… behind me. Shit.

I take one last gasping breath as the screen goes black. The pings- mercifully- have stopped. But then, so does everything else.