My Ultimate NoTPs – Sinking all the Fictional Ships

orangutan list

Typically speaking, I’m the kind of reader that agrees with the author/creator when it comes to romances- whether I like them or not, it’s what the author intended and therefore tends to fit best with the story. But on those rare occasions that I don’t agree, well, I have some STRONG opinions. Which is why I decided to talk about some of my *ultimate NoTPs* (is this a real term, or did I just make it up?) I’m gonna try not to repeat myself too much from my romance fails in fiction tag– so this should be uniquely contentious 😉. Also, for the most part this’ll be about books, however, I fancied talking about some TV ones too, such as…

brooke lucas one tree hill

Brooke and Lucas, One Tree Hill (yes, I’m asking you to cast your minds back a decade or two)- CONTROVERSIAL OPINION: I never liked Brooke Davis. For me, her “growth” involves plagiarism (she steals Peyton’s designs, sticks them on a shirt and gets applauded for it… why?!). To be honest though, Lucas’ relationships didn’t interest me because I was all about Naley.

katniss gale peeta

Gale and Peeta and Katniss, Hunger Games– I know this was a big deal, but I just didn’t care. I didn’t get invested in either of the romances- I was far more interested in the children fighting each other to the death and oppressive government (you know, what the book is actually about? 😉)

eclipse

Jacob and Bella and Edward, Twilight– they all suck.

mansfield park

Fanny and Edmund, Mansfield Park– even if I could get over the fact they’re cousins, I wish Austen had let *just one* of her heroines end up with the morally ambiguous character (and given them a redemption arc). Just once.

lupin and tonks

Tonks and Lupin, Harry Potter– everyone’s got at least one couple they don’t ship from Harry Potter. And, though I’ve mentioned Ron and Hermione a bunch of times, I actually find this one irks me more… though not for entirely rational reasons. To be perfectly honest, I thought Lupin was gay (yeahhh we’re going into serious head canon now). Plus, I don’t get how someone can run off and leave their pregnant wife in a war if they really love them (which is probably the more rational reason why I don’t ship them).

jon dany

Jon and Dany, Game of Thrones– I’ve mentioned this before, but this was pretty badly done, especially in the last season, so it’s earned another mention. This is one of those bizarre situations where this was head canon for me… but the second it happened my brain went “oh no! oh no no no!!” This should have stayed in the dark recesses of fan’s minds.

CLOCKWORKPRINCESSCOVERSPECIAL2-265x400

Jem and Tessa, Infernal Devices– I was a *serious* Will and Tessa shipper. I actually don’t know why I have it in for Jem, but I really did (I know, it makes no sense, cos he’s a sweet character, buuut at the same time he goes after his bestie’s girl and NOT COOL MAN). This frustrated me even more cos it almost never happened.

Throne_of_Glass_UK

Chaol and Celaena, Throne of Glass– he didn’t respect her *at all*. He was always going on about how horrible it is she’s part fae and that she needs to suppress it (isn’t that the equivalent of racism in the context of their world?!) Plus, I just hate Chaol so…

shadow-and-bone_hi-res-677x1024

Alina and Mal, Shadow and Bone– most boring couple of the list award! I have very little to say about them other than the fact I didn’t see them fitting together- particularly since they’d known each other for years, he showed no interest, then only liked her when she got hot.

queen of attolia

Gen and the Queen of Attolia, Queen’s Thief Series*highlight for massive spoiler warning*: SHE CUT OFF HIS HAND!!! WTF?!? He’s traumatised by her and flinches at her every touch- how do they end up together? This is by far the most bizarre and badly matched couple- and I’m sorry but I don’t understand why people are into this romance. At all.

aang and katara

Aang and Katara, Avatar the Last Airbender– ahh my ultimate NoTP!! I briefly touched on this in my review of the series and always planned to get into it more at a later date… so here we are (yes, the reason for me writing this post was an excuse to rant about something, are you surprised?) I’m sure this will piss off people who watched this as a kid/really ship it, but I *hated* it. Firstly, they have zero chemistry (yes, it’s not escaped my attention we’re talking about a cartoon, bear with me 😉). The romance scenes always felt like a mix of forced and random, especially since she treats him like a little brother for most of the show. Which makes sense, since he’s prepubescent and she’s a teen. And, what messes with my head even more, is when people say “oh but the age difference isn’t really so bad, because even if he looks 12, he’s really 112”- how does this help?! That’s even less appropriate!! Regardless, he has a very childish view of her ie “I like her, I kissed her, she should be mine”. Dude, she’s a person (okay, character). Who frequently seems to be conflicted and uncomfortable with his romantic attention I might add. But it felt like this was about what Aang “deserves” as a reward for saving the world- taking away the autonomy of an *awesome* character and doing nothing for her own arc. And I know, I know, people can say I only feel this way cos my ship (Zutara) didn’t sail (which maybe true, yet to be fair was set up by one of the writers as endgame), but forget my fan “entitlement” for a second- what about all the “nice guys” that feel entitled to women’s affection because they’ve been “nice”? As much as I loved the character, Aang with Katara reminded me of Mr Collins saying: “you said no, but you really mean yesss”. It just realllly sucks that a great show ended on this note (though, as I said in my review, it didn’t ruin the series for me).

Okay- phew- glad I got that out of my system! Do you agree or disagree with any of these? And what romances do you not ship? Anything particularly juicy? Let me know in the comments!