My Ultimate NoTPs – Sinking all the Fictional Ships

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Typically speaking, I’m the kind of reader that agrees with the author/creator when it comes to romances- whether I like them or not, it’s what the author intended and therefore tends to fit best with the story. But on those rare occasions that I don’t agree, well, I have some STRONG opinions. Which is why I decided to talk about some of my *ultimate NoTPs* (is this a real term, or did I just make it up?) I’m gonna try not to repeat myself too much from my romance fails in fiction tag– so this should be uniquely contentious 😉. Also, for the most part this’ll be about books, however, I fancied talking about some TV ones too, such as…

brooke lucas one tree hill

Brooke and Lucas, One Tree Hill (yes, I’m asking you to cast your minds back a decade or two)- CONTROVERSIAL OPINION: I never liked Brooke Davis. For me, her “growth” involves plagiarism (she steals Peyton’s designs, sticks them on a shirt and gets applauded for it… why?!). To be honest though, Lucas’ relationships didn’t interest me because I was all about Naley.

katniss gale peeta

Gale and Peeta and Katniss, Hunger Games– I know this was a big deal, but I just didn’t care. I didn’t get invested in either of the romances- I was far more interested in the children fighting each other to the death and oppressive government (you know, what the book is actually about? 😉)

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Jacob and Bella and Edward, Twilight– they all suck.

mansfield park

Fanny and Edmund, Mansfield Park– even if I could get over the fact they’re cousins, I wish Austen had let *just one* of her heroines end up with the morally ambiguous character (and given them a redemption arc). Just once.

lupin and tonks

Tonks and Lupin, Harry Potter– everyone’s got at least one couple they don’t ship from Harry Potter. And, though I’ve mentioned Ron and Hermione a bunch of times, I actually find this one irks me more… though not for entirely rational reasons. To be perfectly honest, I thought Lupin was gay (yeahhh we’re going into serious head canon now). Plus, I don’t get how someone can run off and leave their pregnant wife in a war if they really love them (which is probably the more rational reason why I don’t ship them).

jon dany

Jon and Dany, Game of Thrones– I’ve mentioned this before, but this was pretty badly done, especially in the last season, so it’s earned another mention. This is one of those bizarre situations where this was head canon for me… but the second it happened my brain went “oh no! oh no no no!!” This should have stayed in the dark recesses of fan’s minds.

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Jem and Tessa, Infernal Devices– I was a *serious* Will and Tessa shipper. I actually don’t know why I have it in for Jem, but I really did (I know, it makes no sense, cos he’s a sweet character, buuut at the same time he goes after his bestie’s girl and NOT COOL MAN). This frustrated me even more cos it almost never happened.

Throne_of_Glass_UK

Chaol and Celaena, Throne of Glass– he didn’t respect her *at all*. He was always going on about how horrible it is she’s part fae and that she needs to suppress it (isn’t that the equivalent of racism in the context of their world?!) Plus, I just hate Chaol so…

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Alina and Mal, Shadow and Bone– most boring couple of the list award! I have very little to say about them other than the fact I didn’t see them fitting together- particularly since they’d known each other for years, he showed no interest, then only liked her when she got hot.

queen of attolia

Gen and the Queen of Attolia, Queen’s Thief Series*highlight for massive spoiler warning*: SHE CUT OFF HIS HAND!!! WTF?!? He’s traumatised by her and flinches at her every touch- how do they end up together? This is by far the most bizarre and badly matched couple- and I’m sorry but I don’t understand why people are into this romance. At all.

aang and katara

Aang and Katara, Avatar the Last Airbender– ahh my ultimate NoTP!! I briefly touched on this in my review of the series and always planned to get into it more at a later date… so here we are (yes, the reason for me writing this post was an excuse to rant about something, are you surprised?) I’m sure this will piss off people who watched this as a kid/really ship it, but I *hated* it. Firstly, they have zero chemistry (yes, it’s not escaped my attention we’re talking about a cartoon, bear with me 😉). The romance scenes always felt like a mix of forced and random, especially since she treats him like a little brother for most of the show. Which makes sense, since he’s prepubescent and she’s a teen. And, what messes with my head even more, is when people say “oh but the age difference isn’t really so bad, because even if he looks 12, he’s really 112”- how does this help?! That’s even less appropriate!! Regardless, he has a very childish view of her ie “I like her, I kissed her, she should be mine”. Dude, she’s a person (okay, character). Who frequently seems to be conflicted and uncomfortable with his romantic attention I might add. But it felt like this was about what Aang “deserves” as a reward for saving the world- taking away the autonomy of an *awesome* character and doing nothing for her own arc. And I know, I know, people can say I only feel this way cos my ship (Zutara) didn’t sail (which maybe true, yet to be fair was set up by one of the writers as endgame), but forget my fan “entitlement” for a second- what about all the “nice guys” that feel entitled to women’s affection because they’ve been “nice”? As much as I loved the character, Aang with Katara reminded me of Mr Collins saying: “you said no, but you really mean yesss”. It just realllly sucks that a great show ended on this note (though, as I said in my review, it didn’t ruin the series for me).

Okay- phew- glad I got that out of my system! Do you agree or disagree with any of these? And what romances do you not ship? Anything particularly juicy? Let me know in the comments!

Romance Fails in Fiction Tag

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A plague o’ both your houses! Or you know, just a common cold… I’m getting a bit bored of saying “guys I’m ill again”, but yeah, I’m ill again (also bored of being “ill again” only my immune system doesn’t seem to care). So that was my really long winded way of saying sorry for being so sporadic on the blog this week!

Anyway, I couldn’t sleep last night (obviously that does wonders for my health) and I got to writing this tag post- so even though I have a gazillion people to reply to and should probably just rest a bit I’M POSTING IT BECAUSE I AM ADDICTED AND HAVE PROBLEMS GUYS. *Ahem* anywayyy thank you so much to the lovely Little Book Nook for tagging me for this one- I clearly couldn’t resist after reading your awesome answers 😉 And what better way to round off a week of lovey-dovey posts…

THE RULES

  • Please PINGBACK to Kate @ Melting Pots and Other Calamities.
  • You can choose ten romance fails from ANY media you like: books, movies, anime, manga, T.V shows, or Webtoons. You can even mix them up if you want.
  • You can choose funny fails or serious ones; for the serious ones, phrase it humorously. Remember, this is a fun tag! It’s not meant to be serious.
  • Mention who’s who in the fails. (I.E, who fails and who is the recipient of the failure). If there isn’t  recipient, per se, just state the couple (or non-couple).
  • Optional: Rank the failures from least extreme to most extreme.
  • 5 failures at LEAST.
  • Tag as many people as you want, but at least one person.

What I love about this one is that you can mix it up with all different media- and I’m gonna do just that… (also gonna try and keep to the rule of making them progressively worse).

jon dany

Jon/Dany (Game of Thrones)– you guys know of my undying love for this series, but it’s the kind of series that sinks ships faster than that iceberg sunk the Titanic. I could fill a book with all the FAILS of relationships here- in fact GRRM has managed five (and a half) yet *spoilers if you haven’t seen season 7* this is right up there (just behind Cersei and Jaime). The reason this goes on my list ahead of other dysfunctional couples is because guys I was one of the schmocks that wanted this to happen and I’m so so sorry!! When it actually did happen my response was pretty much NOOOOO! Because, once my other theories got proved right, it became irrevocably EWW.

Throne_of_Glass_UK

Dorian/Celaena (Throne of Glass)– okay so I didn’t actually ship this one, but I was more on board with it than Celaena/Chaol (pretty sure I’ve made my disdain for Chaol clear). To be honest, I don’t think they suit each other at all. It is interesting though that this one failed because of Maas’ original premise: “What if Cinderella was an assassin and went to the ball not to dance with the prince, but to kill him?”

crime and punishment

Raskolnikov/Sonya (Crime and Punishment)– *spoilers* cos he’s a murderer, really obnoxious and treats her poorly if my memory serves. And she’s so messed up that she takes it. And then follows him off to Siberia- righhhht.

rachel joey

Rachel/Joey (Friends)– Little Book Nook had this one too- and I must concur! Worst. TV. Pairing. Ever. And so unnecessary. Just why did this even happen again?

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Sirius/Anyone/Me (Harry Potter)– was I the only one fantasising that someone was going to come in on their white horse (/hypogriff, but that’s a bit “been there, done that”)  and give him the romance he deserved? (Spoilers: that’s not gonna happen) I know I’ve mentioned him a lot lately, but he was my favourite character.

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Ally/Noah (The Notebook)– cos I not so secretly hate that film #sorrynotsorry. Actually a little sorry at all the rage that comment will inevitably attract- but hear me out. It’s not that it’s a terrible movie it’s just that I hate the love interests and everything they represent- aka you can be horrible, dysfunctional people to each other and screw over a perfectly decent third wheel, and everything works out just fine. Ugh. Cheating is not cool and movies like this just glorify it!! Speaking of cheating…

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Tatiana/Alexander (The Bronze Horseman)– another controversial one, but I HATED THIS BOOK SO MUCH!!! I HATED the contrived Cinderella plot to gain false sympathy, I DESPISED the control-freak, pervy love interest, and I COULDN’T STAND the useless mc. Also why do they spend half the book arguing over whether they should be together WHILST CHEATING? And why is it treated like martyrdom when Tatiana carries on behind her sister’s back WHILST CHEATING? And then it came to the sex and just… ugh- nothing worse than sex scenes between two people you hate. Oh yeah, usual disclaimer about no such thing as spoiling shit books. Sorry if you were desperate to read this.

fifty shades of grey

Christian/Ana (Fifty Shades of Grey)– because STALKING ≠ SEXY. Look I get it, I’m not judging people for reading erotica- but this shit is ABOMINABLE (and dudettes have you not heard of this wonderful thing called the INTERNET?! I’m not trying to corrupt young minds or anything, cos the people reading this were mostly mums, only inform you that there’s equally awfully written porn available FOR FREE… so yeah just try google next time, then we won’t have to hear about insufferable books like this polluting bestseller lists- thanks!)

Annnd I don’t think I can do anything worse than that so I’ll stop there.

I tag: Melanie, Kat, Michel, Zezee, Dani, Samantha, Lucinda and Jessica

So what romances in fiction do you consider the biggest fail? And dare I ask- what do you think of my picks here? Let me know in the comments!