Things that horrify me in books: terrifying tropes and writing styles I really don’t like!

orangutan list

It’s nearly Halloween and- rather tangentially- that’s got me thinking about *scary* book tropes. No, not literally scary. I barely ever even read kids spooky stories. I mean, things that realllly make me break out in hives and send a shiver down my spine for all the wrong reasons. I had a good think about this, cos I didn’t want to include anything that could potentially be done well. These are the most irredeemable, the gah-why-is-this-a-thing, the KILL ME NOW tropes. That said, it goes without saying, these are my personal preferences, so if you like any of these, feel free to go on liking it *yada yada yada*. Without further ado, here’s some things that will probably (almost definitely) make me hate a book:

gollum not listeningStream of consciousness– this is my number one NO GO. Granted this is *absolutely* a matter of personal taste. I’ve tried loads and it never works out. I can barely ever manage to finish stream of consciousness books- let alone enjoy them. Whenever I pick something up in this style my brain just goes “lalalala not listening!” At this point, I’m genuinely frightened to pick up anything else in this style.

rolls eyesStupid moralising– if you really wanna make me freak out though, just include some moralising. It’s especially scary when it comes with simple platitudes like “war is bad” and “be nice to each other”. Wowww no one could’ve figured that out unless a brave author points it out. Sometimes, this is even combined with some post-structuralist pseudointellectualism crap where the author goes on a nice nihilist rant about how nothing means anything… I could really live without it.

pottyBodily functions– there are some exceptions where this is acceptable (ie comedy) but basically this is a no-go. Disgusting me is a sure-fire way to put me off a book. Speaking of shit things…

 

 

cheatCheating Love Triangles– what’s worse than a love triangle? A love triangle that involves some kind of cheating. What’s sad is cheating is often the default in books revolving round love triangles (and why I typically hate them).

 

your eternal rewardThe boy/girl is a rewardpeople still do this in books?!? I hear you yell. Unfortunately, yes. It’s not just the failure to make the love interest an actual person, it’s the fact that sometimes this is combined with…

 

escapeMiraculously escaping the friendzone– don’t get me wrong, I like friends to lovers, but when a character repeatedly says “I don’t want to be with you!” it can come off badly when they suddenly change their mind (usually for no apparent reason other than getting bored of arguing). This often ends up undermining “no means no” and I’m not a fan.

it was all a dream.gifIt was all a dream– I mean, what is more horrifying than getting to the end of a book and finding out it was all a waste of time? The same goes for anything else in this vein, like winding the clock back or ending up back where you started (when there’s little to no character development). But there are other *awful* ways to end a story, like…

voldemort
best friend material, amirite?!

The villain saying: “I was trying to help you all along”- ugh- surprisingly there are books that genuinely have the antagonist about-turning in the last chapter. I pretty much raged to read a story where a baddie said “you thought I was chasing you across Europe? Noooo I was trying to warn you about the other guy stalking you!” (a banana goes to anyone who knows what book I’m referring to 😉 )

set upThis entire book was setup for the next one! Yeahhh there are certain authors who think it’s a good idea to write an *ENTIRE BOOK* that has no plot of its own and to prep you for the sequel. Then, they go and stick a cliffhanger in to get you to tune in next time for an actual story… maybe… (it’s scary how often I’ve fallen for this trick!) There’s only one thing worse…

i don't remember.gifAmnesia– I hate when characters- particularly protagonists- get amnesia. It basically allows the author to repeat entire storylines/romances/character development. It’s so lazy and you end up with an entirely recycled story. So yeah, at the risk of repeating myself, I hate amnesia in books.

So, what are your thoughts on these? And what tropes or writing styles will instantly put you off a book? Let me know in the comments!